Now, this does not mean that you need to agree with your wife all the time, but it does mean that she’ll feel much more connected to you and “heard” if you actually listen—really listen—to what she has to say. How do you do this? “Focus on her when she’s talking. Turn off the news. Put down the cellphone. Leave work behind. Just listen with your full attention,” advises Manly. “If your wife likes to be touched, be sure to hug her, stroke her hair, and cuddle with her,” Manly suggests. A 2017 study2 found that women who performed more housework were less likely to be satisfied with their relationships, and the partnership was more likely to dissolve. These results recognized the gendered impact of household labor inequality on relationship instability. “If you want to make your wife happier, take a look at the division of labor in your household and be honest with yourself about where you might pick up some slack,” Crouter says. Better yet, she suggests sitting down with your wife and dividing the labor in whatever way feels right to both of you. If you know there’s something with which your wife is struggling with, ask about that thing, even if it’s not that interesting to you or brings up negative emotions. This shows that you care about her inner life. When she’s down, ask questions—unless she specifically asks for space, don’t leave her to wallow by herself. Rather than playing the blame game, be collaborative in finding a solution to the problem. In terms of key phrases to implement, Crouter suggests the following: If your wife is the lower-libido partner in your marriage and the mismatched libidos cause tension, find ways to support and celebrate your wife’s needs during this time while continuing to have a conversation around what steps you could both take for a more mutually satisfying sexual relationship. (Here’s psychotherapist Vanessa Marin’s full guide to supporting a lower-libido partner.) Consider talking with your wife about ways to make sure both of you are equally involved in making financial decisions and managing the money. Further, encourage your spouse to do the same. When both parties are better rested and recharged, marriages tend to be smoother and happier. There are so many ways to make your wife happy, and none of them have to do with perfection. Working consistently each day to be the best possible partner is what ultimately will lead to a healthy, fulfilling marriage. With science and expertise on your side, now the ball’s in your court.
