When sexual partners make this intentional decision, it means they forgo condoms, dental dams, internal condoms, and other kinds of preventive barriers during oral, anal, and vaginal sex and any kind of sexual touching. It can also mean the partners choose to share sex toys together without a barrier. Because you exchange bodily fluids such as secretions, semen, ejaculate, and blood or saliva, fluid bonding increases the chances of pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Couples often fluid bond to feel more connected and intimate, says Jenni Skyler, Ph.D., LMFT, CST, AASECT-certified sex therapist, and resident sexologist for Adam & Eve. “For a couple who’s really waited to do this, it can kind of denote a sense of commitment to the relationship as well,” Skyler says. “And for couples who don’t like the sensation of a barrier, [fluid bonding] eliminates that, should the couple be sexually exclusive.” “Usually, unprotected sex is just a sort of casual, barrier-less erotic experience without the communication and intention that we’re doing this for a purpose,” Skyler says, whether that reason is “to be more connected, [or to] have more sensation, intimacy or commitment.” Besides the intentional removal of the barrier, Skyler says another difference is how we communicate about it: “When people go to the lengths to call it ‘fluid bonding,’ then they have a language that has already brought awareness to the concept,” which means they likely want to approach it responsibly. Usually, it’s as simple as going to your local clinic together to get tested for STIs and sharing the results with each other, says Stewart, in addition to having open and transparent conversations about sexual exclusivity and STI management going forward. Still, it’s important not to conflate being fluid-bonded with an immediate and automatic higher level of commitment in your relationship. It’s also important to recognize there is still the potential for STI transmission if one partner cheats or has an undiagnosed or undisclosed STI. As you have honest dialogue around what it means for you and your partner to be monogamously fluid-bonded, talk about how you’ll work to protect each other against STIs and (for penile-vaginal sex) unwanted pregnancy. Within polyamory, Stewart says people are usually upfront about who they’re fluid-bonded with. Sometimes, partners will “close circuits of fluid bonding before vetting another metamour to join the ranks.” That said, when there are multiple partners involved, all it takes is one person to have a sexual experience outside of the group to put everyone else at risk for STIs. To avoid this, try implementing a rule where everyone in the polyamorous relationship (or interconnected relationships) has to consent to partners fluid bonding with people outside of the group. Having all partners involved get tested regularly can help make sure you’re practicing fluid bonding safely. If any partners aren’t STI-free, Skyler says it’s still possible to fluid bond safely. “There doesn’t have to be a stigma around that, and it’s not the end of the world—what you want to do is track it.” Take a situation where you have or your partner has HSV, for example: “The person with herpes will track for an outbreak. During those outbreaks, go back to using a barrier, then fluid-bond the majority of the time,” Skyler says. Here are a few questions Stewart and Skyler say to ask yourself: Don’t be afraid to shift your boundaries as you go, and remember that you can decide to stop fluid bonding completely at any time if you or a partner becomes uncomfortable or if circumstances simply change. When it comes to your body, you don’t owe anyone anything.
