So instead of letting the process of getting pregnant become an all-consuming obsession, I realized the best thing for my mental health was learning to let go. Here’s how I learned to cope with the hard realities of getting pregnant: I had been looking forward to being a mother ever since I was a little girl, so I hadn’t ever considered the option before. But now, I shifted my mindset from despair and dejection to a new inquiry I had never pondered: I’m not going to have children, so now what? And I actually started to get excited. I thought about how many exciting projects I could throw myself into without worrying about my schedule. I fantasized about living in other countries, traveling lightly, and how much money we’d be able to save. My friend and I started mapping out a new business plan together. And as much as I had been attached to getting pregnant, having a baby, and being a mother, I just let it go. Thinking about the other things in my life that would move me and make me feel fulfilled was a huge help and allowed me to move on. So, how do you let go of something that you really, really want? Imagine your life without it, and find a way to be OK with that. Release your grip, even for a few minutes, on the desire. You can’t fake this; it has to be a true release. But I believe that good things will come to you with lightning speed, if you can truly master the art of letting go. So the first thing I did when I gave up on getting pregnant was buy that white couch, and it was awesome. That was in May of 2005. In June, I got pregnant. It was not timed, planned, calculated, or scheduled. In fact, when my period didn’t come and the pregnancy test came out positive, I was a little disappointed that I couldn’t follow my new plan. Of course, I was thrilled—and motherhood is great. But I truly would have been happy if it hadn’t happened. As it turns out, it did happen, twice. The second one was even more of a surprise than the first. And that white couch did eventually turn a muted shade of brown from all the stains. But would the amazing kids that made the stains ever have come along if I hadn’t bought that couch? Who knows! Ultimately, learning to move on from my obsession with getting pregnant allowed me to become a fuller, more satisfied person. I was able to embrace a new outlook on life. I’m blessed that eventually, I was able to get pregnant. That does not happen with everyone, of course. But learning to be OK with a child-free life allowed me to embrace the unexpected—and be happier because of it.
