There’s a reason the shadow is often ignored or denied: These qualities don’t fit in with our conceptions of ourselves. For example, she says, consider someone who has a core belief that feeling resentment in motherhood correlates with being ungrateful or a bad mom. “Instead of embracing their shadow self [and] experiencing anger or frustration at times toward her child or a situation in her life impacting her as a mom, she ignores or denies or thinks she’s less than because she’s having the feeling or thought or experience,” Nicogossian explains. It was famed psychoanalyst Carl Jung who popularized the idea of the shadow self, licensed therapist and co-founder of Viva Wellness Jor-El Caraballo, LMHC, tells mbg. Jung believed the shadow holds repressed thoughts and feelings, Caraballo notes—not all of which are necessarily “bad”: “Jung believed that positive traits could be held in the shadow if those parts of ourselves were invalidated or minimized by others, leading us to repress those parts of ourselves.” Whether from parents, relatives, teachers, or society as a whole, Nicogossian explains that when we receive messages about what’s acceptable and what’s not, those unacceptable things about ourselves are pushed into the shadow. Jung believed, however, that one of the best things we can do is work toward accepting and integrating the shadow rather than continuing to reject it, Caraballo explains. “With that kind of exploration, he believed that we could successfully incorporate and work through these repressed thoughts and feelings and experience greater internal peace rather than being unconsciously driven by shadow self needs and feelings (like we normally are),” he adds. “Be sure to find a counselor who is nonjudgmental, supportive, caring, and with whom you feel safe to explore the shadow side of yourself, which is, in essence, embracing vulnerability with self-compassion,” Nicogossian adds. For example, if you’re feeling sad, she says, “Go a little deeper and ask yourself: What kind of sadness am I feeling? Perhaps lonely, depleted or exhausted, or hopeless? The more descriptive and specific in labeling emotions, the more awareness is created, which helps identify what you need to do to take care of your emotional health.” Ask yourself if you often criticize yourself for the same behavior, or if this person reminds you of someone who has wronged you. “The answers to those questions might provide space for deeper reflection and facilitate a connection to the shadow self,” Caraballo adds.
